Truth or Dare: The Lord of the Rings
by win-a-bagel
Summary: Whether you love them, hate them, praise them or berate them, the characters of LotR are yours to do with what you will. Rated T for violence, language, and whatever else you rate things T for.
1. Chapter 1

ToD: LotR

On the empty plains of rohan, a breeze wafts through the otherwise silent landscape. the grass waves in the wind, but no other sign of life can be seen. Then come the first arrivals, legendary figures striding through the wilderness. Then come more, and more still, until the plain is teeming with men, elves, dwarves, wizards, hobbits, monsters, and all other manner of creatures. They do not fight, for they have been summoned. But by who? "look" says one of them "I see a cloud of dust on the horizon" "I see it too" says another. "it's coming this way fast!" says the first. And so it is. They have all turned to look now, some drawing their weapons. They are right to fear it. Coming from the east, riding on a whirlwind of pure epicness, his presence heralded by angels and demons alike, is the amazing Morvis Maqueer!

Morvis: *makes impressive landing* Before I say anything, is everyone here?

Everyone: *looks around* Ummmm...

Morvis: *does head count* WHERE THE HELL ARE STRIDER AND STRIDETTE?

Aragorn and Arwen: *making out on a random beach in France*

Morvis: *warps them to the plain* Kiss on your own time! Didn't you get the summons? Never mind, you're here and that's what matters. *clears throat* All right everybody! Let's see a show of hands! Who knows what a truth or dare fic is?

Everybody except Frodo: *raises hand*

Sam: *rolls eyes and starts whispering in Frodo's ear*

Morvis: Well, guess what? You're in one.

*Nervous whispers throughout the crowd*

*Frodo finally gets a look of realization, then one of horror and runs away screaming. *

Morvis: OH NO YOU DON'T! *grabs an Unnecessarily Long Death Whip out of thin air and casts it out like a fishing line, wrapping it around Frodo's neck and dragging him back whilst strangling him.

Frodo: *Chokes and dies*

Morvis: *Puts away whip and revives Frodo* Now, the readers will send in dares for you guys and me, and the dares can be anything, just keep in mind that this fic is rated T.

Gimli: If a dare is stupid, I get to refuse it.

Morvis: Like hell you do! *Decapitates Gimli with a dead fish* Let's get something straight! No one's opinion matters here! Except mine! UNDERSTOOD?

Everyone: 0_0 *nods*

Morvis: Good! I'd like to thank Zea900 for inspiring me to write one of these, with the best Super Smash Bros fanfic on the site!

Everyone: *much wild applause*

Morvis: NOW EVERYONE SEND IN THOSE DARES!


	2. First Dares

First Dares

Morvis: *teleports to the plain*

Attention, everybody!

Everybody: *gets up and looks at Morvis*

Morvis: We have our first dares! *hears footsteps behind him*

Frodo: YAAAHHHH! *Rushes at Morvis from behind with Sting*

Morvis: *Turns and vaporizes Frodo with a sneeze* Nice try! Anyone else?

Everybody: 0_0

Morvis: Good, here we go.

_Nice! Gimli, since you dwarves "are natural sprinters" I dare you to beat Legolas in a 100m dash. However, you have to be carrying all the members of the fellowship (aside from Legolas) stacked up on your shoulders (each one standing on the shoulders of the person below them, with you on the bottom). Only then will you be crowned the sprinting champion of Middle-Earth!_

_However, first I need to dare Gandalf to re-capitate Gimli and bring him back to life. Good luck! *laughs*_

_-H. M. Lee_

Gandalf: * revives Gimli then gets on his shoulders.*

Aragorn: *Gets on Gandalf's shoulders*

The other six: *You can figure out what they do*

Gimli and Legolas line up at a conveniently placed white line.

Morvis: On your marks, get set, GO!

Gimli: *starts puffing his way towards the finish line*

Legolas: *Filing his nails, waits until Gimli is an inch and a half from the finish line then shoots him in the foot with an arrow and runs to cross the finish line just before Gimli falls flat on his face.

Morvis: The winner is... Legolas!

Legolas YES! *looks up just in time to see the Fellowship falling towards him* OH SHI-*gets crushed*

Morvis: Cheaters never prosper.

_Id like to dare gimbli to compliment legolas..._

_-lilygirl7707_

Gimli: *furious* Well done on winning the race, elf boy.

Legolas: *Pulls himself out from under the heap* Well I never thought I'd see the day...

Gimli: *throws himself over a cliff sobbing*

Morvis: Oookayy...

_Hmmm, interesting. Hard to think of good dares on the spot like this but I'll __try. I dare Legolas and Haldir to eat meat and actually get drunk! Good luck with this! :)_

_-Musik Drache_

Morvis: Thank you. Legolas and Gimli certainly are popular. Well, boys get started. *sets steak down in front of them*

Legolas: *Tastes it and dies*

Haldir: * Eats all his steak, then all of Legolas's* Sucker.

Morvis: *Revives Legolas* Okay, now it's time for you two to get drunk! * Sets down two self-refilling glasses of ale* GO!

Both elves start drinking...

Forty-seven and a half hours later...

Morvis: That's enough. Now, who is drunk?

Haldir: Nnot me, yourr (hic) majester... *Dies*

Legolas: *Not affected at all* Sucker.

Morvis: 0_0 Guess that isn't going to happen. Moving on!

_Alright! I love these, let me see..._

_1. Gandalf, has anyone ever mistaken you Magneto?_

_2. Legolas, you have noticed that your eyebrows are a different color than __your hair right? O_O_

_3. This is for all of the fellowship... why didn't you fly the eagles to __Mordor?_

_...please don't kill me for asking that. If you don't I'll solve world hunger __and make the government suck less!_

_-I don't have a FF account717_

Morvis: 0_0 ...interesting name

Gandalf: But I am Magneto... *comes back to his senses* wait, what?

Legolas: WHAT? *Runs off to dye his eyebrows*

Morvis: *revives Frodo and shows him the dare* Talk!

Frodo: I was surrounded by lava...

Sam: So was I...

Aragorn: I was chasing that bloody troll...

*Legolas doesn't answer cuz he's dying his eyebrows*

Merry & Pippin: We did, the cameras just didn't see us...

Boromir: I was dead... *sniff*

Gimli: *hauls himself up the cliff* I triggered the explosion in an effort to destroy the ring since that schmuck Frodo couldn't do it himself...

Everyone: 0_0

Frodo: WHA- *dives on Gimli*

Morvis: *Impales account717 with a loaf of French bread* YOU MUST DIE! Besides, if the government didn't suck this much they would've found me by now.

Saruman: 0_0

* * *

><p>AN: Well that was fun! To all who reviewed, thank you and I hope you liked the results! To those who didn't, thanks for at least reading it, though if you want to review this time… please do! Bye!


	3. Chapter 3

3. Tunnel of Love

Morvis: ...Well let's do some more dares. I'm tired of waiting. Is everybody ready?

Sam: *shakes head* Mister Frodo ran off again.

Morvis: *sees a Warg and rider approaching and rolls eyes*

Frodo: *riding Warg with a lance.* CHAAARRGE! *throws lance and increases speed*

Morvis: *catches lance, breaks it over his knee, and winks at the Warg.*

Warg: *winks back and changes course to leap off a cliff*

Frodo: *Lands on sharp rocks and dies painfully*

Morvis: He'll get a clue eventually... anyway, let's begin.

_I love this! Keep up the good work. Now for dares._

_Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin: do a public service announcement for all the_

_Hobbits on the health hazards of smoking pipe-weed._

_Gollum: eat five lembas bread loaves in a row._

_-H. M. Lee_

Sam, Merry, and Pippin: *read dare*

Merry: Aaaaawww man...

Sam: Well this sucks...

Pippin: *cries*

Morvis: Well go start setting up, Frodo will be joining you shortly.

3 hobbits: *go to the Shire and summon all the hobbits*

Morvis: *revives Frodo and shows him the dare*

Frodo: But I don't even smoke...

Morvis: Why not?

Frodo: *turns red* I'd rather not say.

Morvis: Fine. Just for that, you get to say it at the service announcement.

Frodo: I REFUSE!

Morvis: Your other option is me peeling off your toenails slowly and one at a time, then feeding them to you.

Frodo: 0_0 All right...

Morvis: Good! Now get out there! *teleports Frodo to the Shire.

-Sam, Merry, and Pippin have all made very boring and unconvincing statements-

Frodo: *clears throat* You shouldn't smoke because I used to and ended up swallowing my pipe and puking in Gandalf's macaroni and cheese.

Whole crowd: *Bursts out laughing and none of them give up smoking*

Four hobbits: *return to the plain of Rohan*

Morvis: *was watching the whole thing on his iPad* AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! *nearly dies laughing* That was so beautiful. *composes himself* Gollum?

Gollum: *Takes a small bite then chokes and dies*

Morvis: *revives him*

Gollum: *takes another bite then chokes and dies*

Morvis: *getting annoyed, revives him*

Gollum: *takes a third bite then chokes and dies*

Morvis: THAT'S IT! *revives Gollum and shoves all five loaves in his mouth* CHEW DAMMIT CHEW!

Gollum: *head explodes*

Morvis: Hmph. Let's just move on.

_Hmm...Lord of the Rings? Interesting...sadly I have never seen/read LotR, so I_

_don't really know what's going on. BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T HAVE DARES! DOUBLE_

_NEGATIVES FOR THE WIN._

_Everyone(except Morvis): Fight against my finger puppet army from way early in_

_my fic._

_Those who survive the previous dare: FIGHT ME MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA *chokes on_

_own spit* dammit, I thought I had that down!_

_Morvis: You, sir, you must play Robot Unicorn Attack. Prepare to jizz from the_

_amazingness._

_Gandolf: Hmm...you seem worthy...go down The Tunnel of Love (a.k.a. my Secret_

_Weapons Chamber. HE HAS NO CHANCE OF SURVIVAL!)_

_Hobbits: Join Toon Link and Tetra on a pirate ship! YAY SMALL PEOPLE! Oh, and_

_I want singing!_

_Everyone: If you have all survive my tortue, you get cookies! But wait, some_

_of them are laced with arsenic! Have fun with that! Toodles!_

_~Zea (I. AM. AWESOME.)_

Morvis: Yes, yes you are. *sees approaching finger puppet army*

OH SHIT! *reads dare* Oh, phew *puts up shield*

Finger puppets: *ATTACK MERCILESSLY*

Arwen: *Summons flood to sweep away puppets*

Gandalf: *puts up protective shield*

Balrog, Nazgul, and Sauron: *Can only die under special circumstances and aren't threatened at all*

Everyone else: *Gets overwhelmed and crushed*

Morvis: *incinerates the puppets*

Well done, you 13. However, since you survived that, you must now face...

-Pillar of fire randomly shoots out of the earth, fading away to reveal...(Inception music plays)-

Morvis: ZEA!

Survivors: 0_0

Nazgul #3: Oh god, oh god, oh god...

Gandalf: Well, now we're screwed...

Everyone except Morvis: *charge Zea*

Zea: *absorbs the life force of the Nazgul before unleashing it upon the One Ring, destroying it and thus Sauron, then lifting Gandalf with her telekinetic powers and throwing him into the Balrog, sending them both tumbling into the abyss of Khazad-Dum.* WHO'S NEXT?

Arwen: *sneaks up behind Zea with a knife and grabs her hair but is instantly turned to stone from coming into contact with raw, unadulterated epic.*

Morvis 0_0 Whoa... *whistles appreciatively*

Zea: What're you looking at?

Morvis: I'm just thinking that out of you, me, and KBB, you got the distinction of being the pretty one.

Zea: And don't you forget it! *portals back to her studio*

Morvis: *sends a Poptart through the portal before it closes* I won't.

Morvis: *Plays Robot Unicorn Attack and doesn't jizz. The unicorn does from the knowledge that Morvis is playing the game.*

Heh... *revives everyone*

Nazgul #7: Ho-...

Arwen: -ly...

Gandalf: ...shit

Morvis: No kidding. Gandalf, after such a traumatizing ordeal, I think you are entitled to a walk down the Tunnel of Love.

Gandalf: *Ready for a relaxing stroll, enters the tunnel.*

Morvis: *grins and takes out popcorn*

-3 hours of gunshots, explosions, screams, and the occasional nuclear blast later...-

-SUPER MASSIVE EXPLOSION THAT OBLITERATES THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!-

Morvis: *floating in protective bubble* Hmm... he must've pressed the little red button. *revives universe*

Toon Link and Tetra: *Show up on the King of Red Lions* All aboard!

Hobbits: *Pile onto the ship*

-All of them sail into the sunset singing "Yo Ho, Yo Ho, a pirates life for me..."-

Morvis: Well, I'm the only one who survived, so... *eats cookies after extracting arsenic and slipping it into Frodo's ale*

Frodo: *Is at the wheel of the ship, drinks ale and dies, sending the ship over a waterfall*

_From: Random chic ()_

_Great story! I have a few dares:_

_1. Dare Pippin to go flirt with Arwen and then try to kiss her! Haha!_

_2. Truth: ask Frodo if he's gay, straight, or bi!_

_3. Dare Gandalf to make out with a random girl!_

_That's it! Plz use them! :D thanx_

Pippin: *walks over to Arwen* Hey sexy, wanna kiss?

Arwen: *checks to see if Aragorn is watching, he isn't, and makes out passionately with Pippin* I've wanted to do that for SO long.

Pippin: *runs off screaming for joy* YYEEEEEESSSSS!

Merry: 0_0

Morvis: That was...somewhat disturbing. Oh well, Frodo?

Frodo: I'm bi.

Everyone: *ears disintegrate*

Sam: *takes a step away from Frodo*

Morvis: *revives everyone's ears* Now, Gandalf, you have to make out with... Galadriel!

Gandalf: *Goes over and makes out with Galadriel*

Galadriel: *inhales Gandalf's beard and dies*

Celeborn: You bastard! *shoots Gandalf with a handgun*

Faramir: Um... where'd he get that?

Morvis: Who knows?

_From: I don't have a FF account717 ()_

_HA HA! I LIVE!...anyway, yeah._

_I only have one this time... Pippin, kill Legolas with the same loaf of bread_

_win-a-bagel killed ME with. Unless it's all damp and bloody by now. Then use a_

_new one. And... please bring him back to life after so that the FBI aren't on_

_Pippin and I's asses. Because that wouldn't be nice now would it? ...Please_

_don't answer that._

Morvis: What? How are you alive? *takes the same loaf of bread and severs account717's jugular vein* Well, now that I've fixed that... *hands blood-soaked bread to Pippin*

Pippin: How do I kill someone with this?... OH, I know! *force feeds bread to Legolas*

Legolas: *dies of food poisoning*

Morvis: And you're right, I don't want the FBI here for... other reasons. *reluctantly revives Legolas* Well, we're done for now! More dares, please!

A/N: Whoa... this chapter turned out pretty long. Awesome! And on the subject of awesome, DID ANYONE NOTICE THAT THE USER I CLAIMED AS MY INSPIRATION REVIEWED? YYEEEE-HAAAAWW! Also, spread the word! Just because I can post a chapter with only 3 reviews, I'd much rather have more. Bye!


	4. Chapter 4

4. CELEBRITY GUEST STAR!

Morvis: I'm ba-ack!

Frodo: Damn...

Morvis: What, no random assassination attempts?

Frodo: *gives Morvis the finger*

Morvis: Whatever, let's-*gets cut off as a mine detonates underneath him, forcing him to jump to the side right into the waiting clutches of the Watcher in the Water* OH SHIT! *Was taken by surprise and about to be torn to pieces when a bazooka blast hits the Watcher square in the face, allowing Morvis to free himself*

Frodo: Wha- How- I- Th-

-(Burn it to the Ground music plays) Halley's comet goes flying overhead. A figure leaps off and lands in the midst of the characters. She straightens and pulls out an AK-47.

Frodo: *shriek of terror before he gets shot 258,474,127 times and dies*

Morvis: *just finished kicking the Watcher's ass* ZEA! You made it! Hungry? *holds up a plate of sushi*

Zea: Is that...

Morvis: Uh-huh

Zea: I'll pass, no offense.

Morvis: None taken *throws sushi at Bilbo* For those who are unfamiliar with the name Zea, she is the greatest badass I have ever met and she has written the greatest truth or dare fic I have ever read, in which she kicks the shit out of Nintendo characters for the hey of it.

Zea: *bows to the crowd* Thank you, thank you... *applause continues for 45 minutes*

Morvis: Um, Zea? Could we do some dares?

Zea: Oh, yeah, dares, sure.

_That was great, again! I would suggest that you quickly re-edit this chapter_

_so that all the dares are in italics, like the previous chapters. That makes_

_it easier to follow._

_But now, I need to ask for the truth._

_Frodo and Sam: When you two were by the scarecrow in the first movie, (the_

_part where Sam said "If I take one more step, it'll be the farthest from home_

_I've ever been") when the shot pulled out, there was a dust cloud in the_

_distance that looked like it was made by a vehicle. What was that?_

_Frodo: Were all the adventures you wrote about in the Red Book real, or did_

_you make it all up to get a lucrative movie deal?_

_With regards, H. M. Lee_

Morvis: ...Oops... thanks... and I'm curious about the dust too.

Farmer Maggot: It was me chasing those two delinquents. And it wasn't dust, it was smoke coming out my ears. I was seriously that angry. *glares at Merry and Pippin*

Zea: I can sympathize with that. *thinking of Kite*

Morvis: Meh, the old coot deserves it.

Frodo: All adventures were real, though I had to omit certain... experiences to make sure I got the movie deal.

Sam: *turns beet red*

Morvis: I don't want to know. Next!

_Hmm...you are all an interesting bunch, I must say. Sadly, none of you are a_

_match for my amazingness, how sad. DARE TIME!_

_Morvis: I was hoping you'd fight me. Well, you're going to now, I want to see_

_what sort of host you are. Do your best, young grasshopper._

_Frodo: You're awesome. I like you.*Gives him a gender swap gun* go crazy._

_Gollum: GO ON AN AMAZING POKEMON AVENTURE AND CATCH ARTICUNO (my fave Pokemon_

_EVAR)_

_Everyone else: See how long you can survive...NYAN CAT MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!Yay!_

_I actually managed to do it!_

_Zeaaaaaaaa... OUT!_

Morvis: Nice job with the diabolical laughter. Let me try. MUAHAHAHAHA-*coughs up a lung* Oops.

Zea: You'll get the hang of it eventually *ducks underneath a flaming boomerang that Morvis just threw and grows two extra arms, pulls out four bazookas, and goes wild firing at him*

Morvis: *dodges blasts, catches one and throws it back*

Zea: *portals the blast directly behind Morvis*

Morvis: *Is hit and sent flying* GAAHH!

Zea: *moving in for the kill when the boomerang comes back and stabs into her arm* OW!

Morvis: *gets up and sends the army of the dead at Zea*

Zea: Ha! I am more deadly than death itself! *grabs Aragorn's sword and hacks the ghosts to pieces, then sends out the three armies that assaulted her studio a while back*

Morvis: Hmph. *creates huge shockwave that OBLITERATES the armies all at once* Your move...

Zea: Fine *summons Chuck Norris* EAT IT, SUCKA!

Morvis: Zea, Zea, Zea, how could you not know that Chuck Norris is the SECOND biggest badass in the world? *summons Jack Bauer*

Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer: *have an epic fight until Jack shoots Chuck in both kneecaps, then rips off his beard and strangles him with it.*

Everyone: 0_0 Whooaaa...

Jack: Sorry sir, but my country is threatened. I have to go.

Morvis: That's all right. I got this. *pulls a massive lightning sword out of nowhere and charges at Zea*

Zea: *pulls out her light sword that killed Kite and races to meet him*

-totally epic swordfight before they charge up all their power and shoot it at each other-

-BIGASS EXPLOSION THAT DESTROYS THE WORLD-

Zea: *floating in space* Well done. *extends hand*

Morvis: *shakes her hand* Wow, I... I didn't think we were that evenly matched, ... I expected to have my ass handed to me on a silver platter *trying to catch breath*

Zea: Well, you have skills. Now help me revive the world.

Both of them: *revive world*

Morvis: So... how's the Marth/Link situation going?

Zea: I...I don't know. I love Link, bit now it seems as if Marth may have loved me the whole time. It's... confusing.

Morvis: Well, anything I can do to help, ask me.

Zea: You are... unexpectedly friendly.

Morvis: Compared to Author? Absolutely. I read your last chapter and thought 'I hope I never end up like that jackass'

He treats you like shit, and you don't deserve that.

Zea: This tender moment is nice, but it sorta takes away from the point of why I'm here.

Morvis: You're right. *reads dare* ARE YOU INSANE? Frodo isn't awesome, he's an idiot with a superiority disorder.

Frodo: WOOT! *shoots at Legolas, then at Morvis.*

Legolas: *turns into a girl, looks in a mirror, and has a heart attack*

Morvis: *blast bounces off him back at Frodo*

Frodo: *nothing happens*

Sam: 0_0

Zea: Uh-huh... creepy

Morvis: Still think he's awesome?

Zea: Shut it.

Gollum: *goes on an epic pokemon adventure to capture Articuno, but realizes he doesn't have a Poke ball and gets eaten by it.*

Nyan Cat: Hi everybody!

Nazgul: RAINBOW! *dies*

Everyone else: Ummmm...

Zea: Ooh, poptart! *kills cat and eats it*

Frodo: You're inhumane.

Zea: See, Morvis, they're catching on.

Morvis: ANYWAYS! Let's keep the dares rolling.

_From: lala234 ()_

_dares:gimli shave your beard off,legolas bite strider on his nose ,and_

_strider kick arwen in her stomach_

_no truthes here now ,so_

_TOODLES!_

Gimli: *reads dare* What? You want me to remove my beard? My pride and joy? My honor and dignity? My-

Morvis: YES! Now get to it. *hands Gimli a razor*

Gimli: *starts shaving*

Zea: *leans over* Lord, he's long-winded

Morvis: Don't I know it.

-27 minutes later-

Gimli: The razor isn't working, neither is the chainsaw.

Morvis: Don't worry, I know what to do. *pulls out a lightsaber and cuts off Gimli's head* Now his beard isn't connected to his body! Go loopholes!

Legolas: *is still a girl, goes up to Aragorn and bites his nose* Hi cutey!

Aragorn: *tries to kick Legolas but misses and kicks Arwen instead*

-Arwen and Legolas get into catfight-

Eomer, Faramir, Merry, and Gandalf: *all gather round with popcorn*

Zea: 0_0 Wow...

Morvis: Well, they're going to be busy for a while, so I'm just gonna continue.

_From: Kitty XOXO ()_

_Gr8 chapter! Here r some dares and truths!:_

_1. Dare merry and pippin to kill Gollum!_

_2. Dare Gandalf to kiss a monkeys butt!_

_3. Ask him if he liked it ;)_

_4. Dare frodo to kiss Sam (cuz he's bi) ;p_

_The end :D_

Merry & Pippin: *randomly kill Gollum*

Gandalf: *reads dare* Ew. Really?

Zea: Yup! *warps in a howler monkey*

Gandalf: Yuck *kisses the monkey's butt*

Monkey: *turns around and eats Gandalf*

Morvis: Well I guess he can't do his truth, though the answer seems obvious.

Frodo: *reads his dare and gets a big smile*

Sam: *reads the dare and faints*

Frodo: * runs over and makes out with Sam*

Everyone: *eyes shatter*

Sam: *wakes up to Frodo making out with him and dies*

Morvis: ENOUGH! *revives everyone's eyes*

Frodo: *completely ignores Morvis and deepens the kiss*

Zea: *bashes him over the head with a cactus* He said that's ENOUGH!

_From: Md0n ()_

_lol! here r some dares u could use:_

_1.) dare Gandalf to try and shoot someone with an AK-47_

_2.) dare Eldarion to ask his parents where babies come from (his parents r_

_Aragorn & Arwen)_

_3.) dare Elboron to go into his parent's room at night claiming he had a bad_

_dream (his parents r Eowyn & Faramir)_

_thnx (;_

Zea: *revives Gandalf and gives him her AK-47* Go wild.

Gandalf: *takes careful aim at Saruman and kills himself because he was holding it backwards*

Eldarion: Mommy, where do babies come from?

Arwen: *tosses Legolas off a cliff, naked and bleeding* Bitch.

Aragorn: Mommy's busy, so I guess I'll tell you. *leads Eldarion into a closed room*

-46 minutes later-

Eldarion: *comes out* Whoooooaa

Elboron: *runs into his parents room* I HAD A BAD DREAM!

Eowyn & Faramir: *get up and throw off their disguises, revealing themselves to be Nazgul* Haha, we have you now!

Elboron: *grabs a sword and goes apeshit on the Nazgul*

Zea: Wow... violent kid.

Morvis: Hmmm... I wonder...

Zea: What?

Morvis: Just thinking to myself. I think I'm going to call it a day. Thank you SO MUCH for coming. It was awesome having you here.

Zea: I had fun. Maybe I'll do it again sometime.

Morvis: That'd be cool. Bye!

A/N: Well that was fun! And my fanfiction hero COHOSTED! OMG!

CELEBRITY GUEST STARS FTW!

And send in lots more dares!


	5. The Apprentice

5. The Apprentice

Aragorn: How long do you think they'll stay in there?

Arwen: I've no idea. It's nearly been an hour already. *flinches as the bunker everyone is standing around rumbles* I wish I knew what he was doing to the poor boy.

Aragorn: Now, dear, I'm sure he'll be-*gets cut off as Morvis gets blown through the wall of the bunker*

Morvis: GAAH! *goes flying fifty feet and rolls over a cliff*

Everyone: *gasp*

Morvis: *levitates back up and fends off the fireballs that had chased him out of the bunker before striking the bunker with lightning, causing it to collapse*

?: *wreckage flys everywhere as he flys at the speed of sound into Morvis.*

Morvis: *locks opponent in place*

Well, done, Elboron! You make a fine apprentice! *releases Elboron*

Elboron: Thank you, sir. It's an awesome thing to learn.

Frodo: Now there's two of you? I may as well kill myself now.

Elboron: Here, I'll save you the trouble! *fires rocket at Frodo*

Morvis: For the curious among you, let's just say that I had some spare time while waiting for dares and didn't want another Watcher in the Water situation EVER. *glares at... splatter of blood where Frodo was standing* So he's going to be a permanent cohost and assistant.

Elboron: WOOT! *looks at computer* Oh, whaddya know, we DO have dares!

Morvis: Sweet! Let's get started!

_From: FrenchRenegade_

_well first i would like to say that i love this! and i have some dares and_

_such..._

_1.) dare legolas to be in a room alone, unarmed with all of his disturbingly_

_obsessed fangirls._

_2.) dare the hobbits to go 1 day without eating, smoking, or drinking._

_3.) dare aragorn to take a bath or a shower or something._

_yay! this is awesomefull!_

Legolas: *reads dare* Ooh, sounds like fun! *runs into room*

Elboron: *locks door*

Morvis: How long do you think we should leave him?

Elboron: At least until the end of these dares.

Morvis: *reads next dare* Well that's a pretty long time. You four *points at the hobbits* can't eat, smoke, or drink for a whole day!

Hobbits: *fetal position*

Elboron: WOOT! *throws them into a room full of food that's just out of reach*

Morvis: Touché. All right, Aragorn, come here a minute * has Aragorn stand in a river* Stay. *goes to Arwen* There are Nazgul in that river. Drown them!

Arwen: *summons the flood like she does in the movie*

Aragorn: WHAT THE F- *drowns*

-the next day-

Elboron: *opens door* OK, hobbits, you can... DAMN! Morvis, check it out!

Morvis: What? *comes over* 0_0 Whoa. *Merry dead in one corner with three skeletons in the other*

Elboron: *revives Merry* Dude... what happened?

Merry: Pippin died of hunger... we all ate him, then Frodo and Sam killed each other fighting over who got to eat me... so I ate both of them, then died of hunger.

Morvis: I SAID NO EATING ANYTHING! *slaps Maerry with a sack of hammers* Elboron, discipline him as you see fit.

Elboron: *big smile and closes door behind him*

Gimli: What about Legolas?

Morvis: Oh, all right. *opens door and sends away fangirls*

Legolas: *Unharmed* Hi.

Morvis: You didn't get ripped to shreds?

Legolas: Nope. Most of 'em took one look at me, saw I was a girl, and took off. Then I had no problem fending off the four lesbians. Bitches.

Morvis: Well, that dare was less... satisfying than I hoped. Oh well. *gets more dares*

_From: H.M. Lee_

_Dares:_

_Pippin and Merry: Run into the middle of a camp of Easterlings and shout a_

_racial slur. Then try to escape alive..._

_Sauron and Saruman: Face off in a poetry contest!_

_Morvis: Be the judge of the poetry contest and give the winner a box of jelly_

_doughnuts. Shoot the loser into the ocean with a giant cannon._

_Keep up the fun! -H. M. Lee_

Morvis: *warps Merry... or what's left of him out of the room and revives him*

Merry and Pippin: *reads dare* WOO! *run off to find a camp of Easterlings*

Morvis: Now, Saruman and Sauron must face off in a poetry contest.

Saruman: *facepalm*

Sauron: Why me?

Morvis: On your marks, get set... GO!

-twenty minutes later-

Morvis: Times up! What'd you come up with?

Saruman:

I have some water in a glass

I pour it on the grass

Then along comes an Orc

With a very large fork

And knocks me onto my ass

Everyone: *laughs and boos*

Sauron: Azg Nazg Gimbatul...Azg Nazg Gimbatul...Azg Nazg Gimbatul... Azg Nazg Gimbatul... Azg Nazg Gimbatul... Azg Nazg Gimbatul... Azg Nazg Gimbatul... Azg Nazg-

Everyone: -_- Make it stop, make it stop...

Morvis: And the winner is... SAURON! *gives Sauron doughnuts*

Sauron: *takes donuts into a chamber and locks the door*

Saruman: 0_0 ... I don't even wanna know what he's doing in there.

Morvis: Well you don't have to! *shoves Saruman into a cannon and blasts him into the ocean* Now- *gets cut off as Merry and Pippin run through the crowd laughing*

Gandalf: What the- GAAAHHH! *gets trampled by Easterlings*

Everyone else: *is trampled as well*

Morvis: *revives himself then the others* FROM NOW ON, WHAT HAPPENS AT CAMP STAYS AT CAMP! UNDERSTOOD?

Merry and Pippin: 0_0 *nods*

Morvis: Good.

_From: pasquel-no-yer-panco ()_

_I dare Wormtongue to moon Sauraman._

_I dare Gimli to attempt to make out with Legolas._

Wormtongue: *blasts himself out of a cannon into the ocean naked*

Everyone: GAH! *eyes shatter*

Morvis: *revives all the eyes and shows Legolas her dare*

Legolas: Hmmm... the beard's a turn-off, but I think I'll manage. *runs over to make out with Gimli*

Gimli: *chops off Legolas's head* THAT'S NOT HAPPENING! I lose a race to him, compliment him, then watch as he gets away scot-free on the fangirl dare, HE IS NOT MAKING OUT WITH ME!

Elboron: Dude... calm down...

_Great fic! My dares/truths!_

_1) (When Legolas reverts back into a man) I dare him to make out with Arwen._

_2) I dare Pippin to fight to the death with Merry._

_3) I dare Gollum to make out with Frodo._

_4) Ask Elrond where he got his headband from, it's cool XD_

_~SarahJaneFan_

Morvis: Legolas won't revert back unless a dare requests it, but they can still make out! * pushes Arwen and Legolas together*

All guys: *get turned on watching the makeout session*

Morvis: *manages to look away* Now, Merry and Pippin must fight to the death!

Merry: *doesn't hear Morvis due to watching Arwen and Legolas*

Pippin: *beheads Merry* I win! What's the prize?

Elboron: This! *chucks Pippin in a lake of piranha.

Frodo and Gollum: *make out*

Frodo: First Sam, now Gollum, it's just like the games we played in the mountains where-

Sam: IF YOU TELL ABOUT THOSE I PROMISE I WILL CARVE OUT YOUR LIVER AND SHIT ON IT!

Frodo: 0_0 ...fine

Elrond: The Gap, of course.

Morvis: There's a Gap in Middle Earth?

Elrond: The Gap of Rohan, duh.

Elboron: IMMA GO TORCH IT!

Morvis: *holds back Elboron*Heel! You're allowed to be a badass, not a tyrant.

Elboron: Hmph, fine.

Morvis: Bye!

A/N: Well, those dares didn't come in as fast as usual. Oh well. And sorry this took so long. i've been busy.


	6. Shakespeare?

A/N: eh… sorry this took so long. I've been busy with farm work.

6. Shakespeare?

Morvis: *sound asleep*

Frodo: *sneaking towards Morvis with a Morgul blade*

Everyone else: *asleep*

Frodo: *stabs Morvis through the heart and killing him*

?: *behind Frodo* You think I'm stupid enough to sleep?

Decoy Morvis: *disintegrates*

Frodo: *turns around and comes face to face with Morvis* Ah...hi?

Morvis: *transforms Frodo into a Big Mac and eats him*

Everyone else: *gets up from the commotion*

Elboron: I SMELL BEEF! *conjures a cheeseburger out of thin air and eats it*

Morvis: Rise and shine everybody! The dares are in!

_From: Twilight HP and LotR fan_

_Lol i love this story! Here are my dares:_

_1. Dare galadriel to smoke some mushrooms and get high (see what happens) _

_2. Dare frodo to sing "lovegame" by lady gaga_

_3. Ask gandalf if he finds frodo attractive._

_4. Dare merry and pippin to try out for american idol!_

_Well thats all! :) bye_

Galadriel: *starts smoking*

Celeborn: *rolls eyes* She's an elf, she won't be affected.

Galadriel: WHEREZ WE GOIN' ON, BITCHES? *grows demon wings and starts flying around cutting apart the clouds with laser eyes*

Everyone: 0_0

Morvis: ...You were saying?

Celeborn: Shut up. GAH! *gets incinerated by Galadriel's hair spray she's now spreading everywhere*

Elboron: Cool.

Morvis: Umm... Big Macs can't sing, so I have to skip that one (A/N: thank God)

Gandalf: Uh, Ew, no.

Merry and Pippin: *show up for American Idol but are thrown out immediately because everyone thinks they're just kids* And even if they believed us, we're too old.

Morvis: Though it is a shame.

_From: H.M. Lee_

_As usual, that made my day!_

_Legolas: Turn back into a man, this is getting creepy..._

_Gandalf and Sauruman: Face off in an epic wizard duel while skydiving from_

_outer space._

_Merry and Pippin: What exactly did you yell in the Easterling camp?_

_Frodo: By the power of the reviewer, I command that thou shalt speak naught_

_but the tongue of Shakespearean English for one installment long._

Legolas: *turns into a man* NOOOO! MY ELFNESS IS GONE! MY BEAUTIFUL POINTED EARS! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? YOU BASTARD! YOU LOWLIFE SON OF A-

Elboron: *kicks him in the balls* Dude... shut up.

Morvis: *shows Gandalf and Saruman their dare*

Both: Psh, easy. *fly to the moon*

Morvis: GO!

Both wizards: *jump off the moon and have a very epic battle (A/N: Me lazy. Sorry.) until they both hit the ground at the same time and die*

Morvis: It's a tie!

Pippin: Something about their mothers doing the guy on their left. And we made sure it was racially slurred.

Frodo: Me doest thinketh that ye is the utmost example of a cruel buffoon. *TRANSLATION: Fuck you!*

_From: SarahJaneFan_

_Hehe thanks for doing my dares! Did them very well! Possibly do some more? :D_

_1. Dare Treebeard to go on a dating show._

_2. Dare Morvis to send the Fellowship to fat camp (not that there fat, just to_

_see how they would all cope :L)_

_3. Ask Aragorn if he would ever sleep with a hobbit._

Morvis: Of course I'll do some more. Let's get something straight. The only two reasons I would refuse a dare are

(a) if it would require the fic to be rated M

or (b) if it would be funnier to refuse it than to do it. Just making that clear.

Treebeard: *goes on a dating show*

Random announcer guy: Hello everyone and welcome to Bachelor Botany!

-30 minutes later-

Treebeard: *comes back*

Elboron: So... how was it?

Treebeard: *asleep*

Elboron: *revs a chainsaw* I SAID HOW WAS IT? *cuts off Treebeard's toe*

Treebeard: Now don't... be hasty, Barrum *steps on Elboron* There... were no... Entwives...

Morvis: Aww, too bad. Next!

Fellowship: *goes to fat camp*

Instructor: YOU'LLNEVERGTINSHAPEIFYOUDONTPUSH! PUSH! PUSH!

Everyone: *faints*

Morvis: *warps them back* Aragorn?

Aragorn: No. I think it's safe to say that no man or elf would EVER want to sleep with a hobbit. Right, dear? *looks at Arwen for support*

Arwen: *red with embarrassment* Well... uh... haha... there might be the odd one...

Aragorn: *suspicious* Oh, yes, like who?

Arwen: *cough*-me-*cough*

Aragorn: Speak up a bit?

Arwen *cough-cough* Me

Aragorn: Still can't hear you?

Arwen: I SLEPT WITH PIPPIN, OKAY! I WAS DRUNK, HE WAS DRUNK, AND THOSE FURRY FEET HAVE ALWAYS TURNED ME ON!

Aragorn: *files for divorce then kills himself*

Merry: *staring at Pippin*

Pippin: *sheepish grin*

Morvis: That was... more than I expected to hear. Wow. Let's move on, I guess.

_From: to lazy to log in ()_

_i have an account but i don't feel like logging in._

_i dare frodo to lock himself in a small room filled with zombie chickens._

_also i want legolas to fight dracula. why dracula? because both of them are_

_awesome?_

_also everyone gets free pizza_

_*pulls pizzas out of i don't know where*_

Elboron: *throws Frodo in the room and locks the door*

Frodo: *kills one with Sting*

Chickens: *swarm Frodo and shred him with their pecking*

Legolas: *has gone into a depression since becoming a man* I'm not that awesome. Let him kill me.

Dracula: Is he even worth it?

Elboron: Nah, but do it anyway.

Dracula: Okey-dokey *eats Legolas*

Elboron: Good! *stabs a beef steak through Dracula's heart then eats him*

Morvis: What's with the bloodlust, kid?

Elboron: What's the point of being epic if you can't terrorize people?

Morvis: The whole point is to aim for humor. Terrorizing is an added bonus.

Everyone: YAY! *eats pizza*

_From: yo mama ()_

_I dare Aragorn to sneak into the easterling camp and steal the magical unicorn_

_there._

_I dare the hobbits to steal Aragorn's magical unicorn, use it to time-travel_

_to installment 9 of this fanfic, slap everybody else who happens to be alive_

_at the time (including themselves) and then time travel back to installment 7._

Morvis: *revives Aragorn and shows him his dare*

Aragorn: The Easterlings have a magical unicorn?

Merry: Actually it's not theirs. When we ran in there we saw them about to burn Neil Patrick Harris at the stake.

Aragorn: Okay... *steals the unicorn*

Frodo: Cast down thine enemy! (Translation: ATTACK!) *four hobbits jump out of a bush and beat the shit out of Aragorn before jumping on the unicorn and time travelling away*

Morvis: Something tells me I'm gonna regret that. So long!


	7. Legolas's Life Is Hell

Legolas's Life is Hel

lA/N: I want to start by saying how sorry I am for my long absence. I won't waste your time with excuses, but I will give a token of my apology by promising that the first reviewer to return to the ToD will get to cohost a chapter. Now no more talk! Let's begin!

Morvis: Come on, you can do better than that! *throws a bomb at Elboron*

Elboron: *swallows the bomb and breathes fire at Morvis*

-battle continues for some time until…-

Morvis: *launches a laser at Elboron that gets sucked into a time portal that suddenly appears*

Elboron: What the…

Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin: *come out of the time portal looking like they had the shit beat out of them*

Gandalf: What happened to you guys?

Sam: We went to Chapter Nine to slap everyone but…

Frodo: There was an ambush. We managed to slap everybody including ourselves AND our future selves but nearly got killed in the process. Then we just opened the time portal and came back

Elboron: How in hell did you manage to slap me?

Pippin: We didn't. You weren't there

Morvis: What? Was he dead?

Frodo: No, you just said you had to send him away. You were half-dead yourself, by the looks of it

Morvis: Maybe I sent him away to keep him safe from whatever beat me up. But now that you're here we have some dares to do.

_Nice job on my dares, here come some more:_

_Legolas: Oh, sorry, I meant you to turn back into a male elf __Do that, and as compensation for pain and suffering, I'll give you a stick of gum! *secretly a stick of c4*_

_Gandalf: Tell me, wise one, what is the secret to true happiness?_

_Morvis: I want you to battle... Illuvitar, creator of Arda! Let's see how you fare against a god!_

_ Good luck!-H. M. Lee_

Legolas: WELL IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME! *turns into a male elf* YAY! *pops gum into his mouth*

Elboron: 3… 2… 1…Legolas: *explodes*

Gandalf: The secret to happiness, hmm? I'd have to say nude sunbathing with a big bowl of nachos

Morvis: OKAY! Now I'm disturbed for life! *reads dare* Finally, a worthy opponent. *warps out of this dimension into Illuvitar's realm*

Everyone: *gathers around a big TV screen to see what's happening*

Morvis: Hello… He who is alone? You're not alone right now. I'm here, and we have to fight. *gets paralyzed by divinity*

?: *laughs* I have watched you since before you were even an idea in (name censored) mind. You have power, but you are no god

Morvis: Then prove it! Let me free and we'll have an honourable duel!

Illuvitar: Very well *releases Morvis*

Everyone watching the action: Whoa! Here it comes! OOH! What a hit! Ouch. That was a cheap shot, but he's getting back up-WOW! Nice recovery! What the… how did he.. Oh well…OMG! IT'S ALL OVER! THAT WAS HUGE!

Morvis: *comes back: I… I.. WON! *jumps in the air and crowd surfs.* Now I'm in a good mood! Let's do some dares!

_its me again! too lazy to log in but here's mah dare_

_Legolas: Become an entwife and then get married to Treebeard (muahaha) and have little ent babies! (MUAHAHAHAHA!)I'm feeling evil today... :)_

_-FrenchRenegade _

Legolas: *reads dare* OH. MY. GOD. WHY CAN'T YOU PEOPLE JUST LEAVE ME BE! FIRST A FEMALE, THEN A MAN, AND NOW THIS!

Gimli: What? *reads dare and gets evil grin* Do it

Elboron: WOOOOT! *turns Legolas into an Entwife and shoves him (her) in a room with Treebeard*

_Truth: hobbits, what is the worst anti-hobbit racial slur out there? Halfling?_

_I dare the hobbits to go to the easterling camp and tell the easterlings what that slur is and then I dare the easterlings to walk into the middle of the shire and shout that racial slur._

_I dare Arwyn (however you spell that) to begin her project to create a remote control, 200 foot lizard in her secret lair to conquer Morvis and the others._

_I dare Pippin to brake into real life outside the fan-fic_

_.-Eh dobydys thy_

Hobbits: WE DON'T LIKE TO BE CALLED ALCOHOLIC MIDGETS!

Easterlings: *run into the Shire* Hey, you bunch of alcoholic midgets! *get their shins owned*

Arwen: I shall have my revenge on Aragorn for divorcing me! *starts assembling robot lizard*

Pippin: *looks hopefully at Morvis*

Morvis: I have no control over the real world, so no can do.

_Ooooh... Hmmm... Lemme think ;) ... Got it! I got it! Ahem -shoves Morvis away and stands in his spot, pulls out a microphone-_

_#1. Dare Legolas to make out with Zea, and take all of her wrath ;) and if he's still alive, he can become an elf_

_#2. Dare Boromir to wear a dress and Mary-Janes, then sing 'Friday' by Rebecca Black._

_#3. Truth Morvis and ask if he's secretly in love with Legolas...Thank you :)_

_-Ash Coloured Wings_

Morvis: *incinerates Ash where he (she?) stands and speaks in a deathly quiet voice* No one… steals… my microphone

Legolas: *runs up to Zea and makes out with her then tries to take her wrath*

Zea: TAKE THIS YOU MUTHAFUCKIN TREE! *unleashes aforementioned wrath on Legolas, thus obliterating him (her)*

Morvis: And he is not alive, so he can't be an elf

Boromir: Aww, shit… *puts on dress and Mary-Janes and starts singing* 7 a.m. in the morning…

Everyone except Frodo: *dies*

Frodo: *gets turned on*

Morvis: *revives everybody then shoots Boromir in the nuts* NEVER. AGAIN. *reads truth* Oh my god, are you really asking me that? The answer is NO! First of all I'm not gay. Secondly, I'm not turned on by trees!

Elboron: Morvis and Legolas sitting in a tree… K-I-S-S-I-N- *spontaneously combusts*

Morvis: Wrong move, kid

Elboron: *revives himself* WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?

Morvis: You crossed a line

Elboron: *starts holding a grudge*

_Dare: revive Legolas as a male Elf, but with his head on backwards, then, if there are any zombie chickens left, make him try to catch one and ride _

_ make the entire Fellowship wear nothing but Duct Tape clothing for at least one chapter_

_ make all the Elves perform a Las Vegas dance number - dressed as showgirls._

_-animeniac121_

Morvis: *revives Legolas as a male elf*

Legolas: WELL IT'S ABOUT DAMN TIME! It'll be a wonder if I don't have an identity crisis after all this! *realizes his head is on backwards* SHIT! *eats a zombie chicken out of pure rage and explodes*

Eowyn: Poor guy…

Everyone: NAAAHHHHH!

The 8 fellowship members: *duck behind bushes and come out wearing nothing but a shit-load of duct tape*

Aragorn: This is gonna hurt like a bitch when its time to take it off…

All elves: *dress as showgirls and perform a dance number*

Everyone: *much clappage and snickering*

_I am currently in school, and my bestie was looking at me weird because I was laughing so hard xD ok...more dares_

_I dare Pippin to take a swim in Mt. Doom._

_ I dare Leggy-bear to face his rabid fangirls again, only this time, AS A MAN! AHAHAAHA_

_I dare Frodo to face a cave troll all by himself without his fancy mithril finally,_

_ I dare Aragorn to make out with an Uruk-Hai. For a full 3 minutes!_

_ Love it, keep writing! :D_

_-DragongirlM_

Pippin: *runs off to Mount Doom in a pair of swim trunks*

Legolas: OH FU- *gets mobbed and ripped to pieces*

Frodo: A what? *cave troll comes up behind him and eats him, then shits him out, then eats the shit and runs off*

Everyone: 0_0 *lots of cheering*

Aragorn: Why me… why me… *makes out with Uruk-hai and then kills it*

Morvis: Would now be a bad time to mention that Uruk had poisonous saliva?

Aragorn: Shit. *gets asphyxiated*

_UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE! :D OOO! I have one!_

_ Truth: Is Bilbo gay?_

_Truth: Is Legolas really blonde?_

_Dare: Frodo to take out his blue contacts. (Come on, we all know those are so unrealistic. *winks*)_

_Truth: What is Sauron's favourite colour? (Something tells me its pink...)And that's all for now! :D I really hope you update!_

_-Authoress Kiki_

Bilbo: Certainly not… I'm lesbian

Morvis: …I'm gonna try and ignore that…

Legolas: AND I'M PROUD OF IT, BITCH!

Frodo: *takes out contacts to reveal eyes that are too blue to exist in the space-time continuum and thus destroys the universe*

Morvis: *revives the universe and puts the contacts back in Frodo's eyes* That was… unexpected…

Sauron: *pokes his head out of the room he's been in for the last two chapters* Of course you know its pink! I told you that in confidence when we were dating in high school!

Sam: *raises eyebrow*

Sauron: OH SHUT IT! *goes back in the room with the donuts*

A/N: Its good to be back! Once again, I am terribly sorry for my absence, and I hope never to take a break that long again! Please forgive me and review!


	8. An Apprenticeship Ended

Chapter 8: An Apprenticeship Ended

Morvis: If I have to deal with one more divorce, I am going to shoot someone where the sun don't shine!

Pippin: Who exactly?

Morvis: The guy who started this mess!

Merry: I think that means you, Pip.

Pippin: How was I to know that because Arwen left Aragorn that he would run off with Eowyn, making Faramir run off with Rosie, making Sam run off with Galadriel?

Gimli: Is that all.

Morvis: Actually, no. Celeborn is gay, as it turns out, and ran off with Frodo. Thank win-a-bagel that HE wasn't married.

Boromir: Who?

Morvis: win-a-bagel, the guy I answer to.

Boromir: *still clueless* Ah, I see…?

Frodo: Morvis! Something important must be about to happen! I just saw an Observer walking through the crowd!

(A/N: Shut up, I love Fringe.)

Morvis: Hm? Oh don't be ridiculous, I'm expecting company is all.

*A well dressed gentleman with a goatee and wearing a fedora walks up to Morvis*

H.M. Lee: Did I miss the party?

Morvis: The party missed you, man, but don't worry, I've attended some pretty good after-parties.

Celeborn: Uh, question.

H.M. Lee: Yes, you in the back?

Celeborn: Who are you exactly?

H.M. Lee: I'm awesome like him, but suave, and that's all you need to know.

Morvis: And he is here because of his faithfulness to this fic, specifically returning to it even after my long absence. So he will have the same privileges as Elboron while he's here. *looks around* Is that going to be a problem, Elboron?

Aragorn: I haven't seen him in a couple of hours.

Morvis: Oh, well. Lee, get ready for the ride of your life!

This is one of the funniest stories I've read in a loooooooooooong time. XD Nice job, man! And now, for my dares/truths:

1. I dare Legolas to let Gimli give him a haircut (Sorry Lego XD)

2. I dare Frodo to walk up to Sauron and cuss him out wearing nothing but his elf-cloak.

3. Truth for Pippin: Do you have a severe addiction to Justin Beiber or not?

4. I dare Aragorn to tell Arwen that he had an affair with Galadriel while in Lothlorien. :D

Aaaaaaaaaannnndd...I GO!

-E4me100

Legolas: *shaking with fear* At- at least use a-a pr-proper hair c-cutting tool, won-won't you Gimli?

Gimli: Relax, I'm not gonna use anything barbaric, just my axe.

Legolas: *faints*

H.M. Lee: *inconspicuously takes out a camera*

Gimli: *goes apeshit on Legolas's hair* Done.

Legolas: *wakes up* Unngh… what do I look like?

Frodo: It's kinda like a cross between a mohawk, an afro, a ponytail, and a bowl cut.

Morvis: What he means is it looks like two Wargs in mating season.

Legolas: *shoots an arrow straight up into the sky*

H.M. Lee: You won't be able to reach win-a-bagel, though I applaud you for trying. *begins slow clap obviously meant to mock Legolas*

Everyone: *joins in*

(Arrow comes down and kills Gimli)

H.M. Lee: Ahhhhhhhhh… but what about the other one?

Legolas: What do you mean? I only shot one- *gets killed by arrow from sky*

Morvis: Nice *high-fives Lee*

Frodo: *Strips down to nothing, puts on the cloak, and walks over to the room where Sauron has locked himself inside* Sauron, you great big (censored) of a (censored) eye, (censored) you (censored) (censored) can't (censored) orcs, (censored) and (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) half as big of a (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) or as an alternative, you could (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored) on your mother's side of the family, she (censored) (censored) (censored) (censored)- *gets cut off as the door falls on him in slo-mo*

Sauron: *picks the door back up and goes back in*

Everyone: 0_0

Morvis: Ho… ly… shit! He didn't repeat a single curse word!

H.M. Lee: I'm impressed. At least four of those I invented yesterday.

Pippin: NO!

Aragorn: Arwen isn't here either. I'll tell her later.

Morvis: Aaaaand, more dares!

Hmm... Dares...

1. Dare Legolas to have a love life.

2. Have Pippin and Merry try to throw Gimli in the River while he's asleep.

3. Ask Sauron how he can speak when he's just an eyeball. O.o

~Darklight Dragons

Legolas: Can I choose? Can I pleeeeeeeeeeez choose?

Morvis: I suppose.

Legolas: GALADRIEL!

H.M. Lee: But she's dating Sam.

Morvis: So it's a battle to the death then! *shoves Legolas and Sam in a cage* The winner gets Galadriel. GO!

Sam: *Brandishes his sword* You stay back! I'm warning you! She's mine!

Legolas: *fires all 286 arrows he owns with a single pluck of his bow* Nuh-uh!

Galadriel: Don't I have a say in the matter?

H.m. Lee: 'fraid not, madam. *winks at her*

Galadriel: Well aren't you the gentleman- *explodes from the force of the wink*

Saruman: You are… CRUEL!

Gimli: *is taking a nap*

Merry and Pippin: *throw him in the river they travelled on from Lothlorien, thus sending him over the waterfall*

Morvis: Go ahead, Lee.

H.M. Lee: *knocks on Sauron's door* Hey, how were you able to speak when you were round and fiery?

Sauron: TAHT'S NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS!

H.M. Lee: *sigh* I tried to do this peacefully… *releases the full swarm of Moria goblins into the room*

Sauron: *slays them all and rages out of the room only to be shot in the face with a .50 caliber handgun*

Lee: *blows smoke off the gun* Maybe some things are meant to remain mysteries.

1. Legolas has to be accompanied by Captain Jack Sparrow through the entire chapter, because Jack thinks he's Will

2. Legolas needs to talk to Orlando bloom/will turner( i don't know why, i was just bored)_

3. Frodo and Legolas have to kiss for at least 30 seconds.

~sign Sexy-Rexy

Jack Sparrow and Will Turner: *both show up and head straight for Legolas* Hello

Legolas: Hello. Say, you look an awful l lot like- *is cut off as a 200-foot mechanical lizard bursts out of the ground and devours the pirates characters (I guess that's the end of them)

Arwen: *pokes her head out of the lizard* Now I shall have my revenge! *lizard breathes fire everywhere*

Morvis: Aragorn, you get to fight it. Go on, be the hero we know you aren't!

Aragorn: *rolls his eyes and charges into battle*

Morvis: Now, let's- *100 knives fly at him from everywhere which he barely blocks as Elboron lands and blasts him full in the face with lightning, knocking him backwards*

Elboron: You took me in! You gave me power! You pretended to be my friend! All so you could humiliate me with your superior skills! Well no more!

Morvis: Lee! *bats a hurled boulder back at Elboron, who shatters it and absorbs its kinetic energy to make himself stronger* You take over for me! The show must go on!

Lee: *considers going to lend a hand but then changes his mind* Morvis is right! Frodo and Legolas, make out! Now!

Legolas and Frodo :*make out… savagely*

Aragorn: *calls for help, and through a confusing and rapid series of events, a full scale war is started. On one side is the hobbits and men, including Morvis, and on the other side, the lizard, elves, and dwarves, and Elboron.*

introduce the fellowship (especially the hobbits) to marijuana

-Icepick

H. : *blocks a javelin and generates massive amounts of marijuana smoke and sends it to the hobbits*

Hobbits: *get completely high and that somehow improves their fighting*

Good to have you back, because its dare time!

Eowyn: Make 10 pots of your disgusting stew from the extended edition.

Aragorn: Eat. All. Of. It.

Grima Wormtongue: Try to not be creepy for an entire day.

Everyone: Since it's Christmas time, have a Christmas party and put lights and ornaments on Treebeard.

Gimli: Dress up as Santa for the Christmas party.

Elves: Dress up as Santa's elves for the Christmas party, just for the lame pun.

-H. M. Lee

P.S. Morvis: Tell your reviewers to have more imagination than "character x make out with character y"

Eowyn: I can't do that now! Everyone will see my ingredients!

H.M. Lee: And why would you have a problem with that, I wonder?

Eowyn: *goes red* Fine. *heats some expired milk, slices up a raw squid into the pot, then purees-* DO YOU HAVE TO TELL THEM THAT?!

Lee: I am truly, deeply, sincerely, laughing inside.

Eowyn: *blends a troll buttock up and stirs it in, then brings the whole mix to Aragorn*

Aragorn: What ever I did to deserve this, I swear… *cuts off the lizard's head only to have five grow back* FUCK YOU, ARWEN! *sucks back the stew and promptly pukes it up on the lizard, making it short-circuit*

Arwen: FUCK YOU, ARAGORN! *jumps out of the lizard and the two start having an epic sword duel*

Grima: Say what, now?

Frodo: He failed! *gets stepped on by Elrond, who gets grabbed by Treebeard and thrown straight at Grima, obliterating them both*

Aragorn and Arwen: *both faint of exhaustion*

Gimli: A Christmas party?! You gotta be friggin' kidding me!

H.M. Lee: All right, the fighting stops in 3…2…1… now.

Everybody except Morvis and Elboron: *spontaneously die for no reason*

Morvis: *clones himself 3 times and they all close in and despite Elboron's furious attacks, stab him simultaneously*

Elboron: *dissolves into red plasma which Morvis (the other three vanished) locks in a bottle with a Big F-ing Cork ™ * And that is that. *Sadly, he sends the bottle spinning out into space*

Morvis: Thank you Lee. I know this wasn't in the contract.

Lee: That's why I never sign contracts. Always telling me what I can and can't do.

Morvis: *revives everybody* We are not going to talk about it, we will just continue with the dares. Now let's see some festive cheer!

Everyone: *put up decorations and start cooking and getting along as they always have*

Treebeard: Somehow, I think I should be feeling humiliated right now.

Morvis: And he said let there be snow and behold there was snow! *it starts snowing*

Gimli: Santa? I get to dress up as my grandpa? WOOT!

Elves: We have to be Gimli's slaves? That's insulting. *they dress up anyways*

Im supposed to be asleep but I started laughing like an idiot anyway.

dare: faramir and wormtongue fight to the death

have aragorn and arwen magically switch story thingies with link and zelda

Morvis: shut up for five whole minutes in a row.

merry and pippin sing the song that gets on everybodys nerves

Morvis: after shutting up find a good legagorn slash story and dare Legolas and aragorn to read it. Have this one before the link and zelda.

Have Saruman sic the wargs on link and zelda.

update soon please

-butterflyninja935

Faramir: Ah, come on, it's a party. Death would ruin the festive cheer!

Grima: Not for me! *stabs Faramir 4859 times in the back, chest, arms, legs, head, and testicles*

Morvis: You're right! I'm feeling better too!

Aragorn and Arwen: Who? *disappear and get replaced by Link and Zelda*

Link: Aw, man, not again.

Legolas: *love at first sight when he sees Zelda*

Morvis: *is surprised that someone thinks he talks too much and starts communicating telepathically* I am no longer talking. Are you happy?

Merry and Pippin: Ooohhhhhh, we know a song that gets on all your nerves, gets on all your nerves, gets on all your nerves- *get mobbed and crushed*

Morvis: Sorry, but I can't do this one because it says to do it after one dare but before another in a way that isn't possible. If you want it in a different order, make sure it's in the right order in your review.

Saruman: Send out the Warg riders!

Link: Wolves! *fetal position and gets ripped to shreds*

Zelda: *rolls her eyes and fights against the beasts but is losing*

Legolas: NOOOOOOO! *runs in and fends off the wolves*

Zelda: Whew! Thanks for showing up! *gestures at bloody mess* Link is useless.

Legolas: *is unsure of what to say, so just kisses her and they ride off on Shadowfax into the sunset*

H.M. Lee: So THAT'S how I should try to get a girl! Save her from some wolves! Now where am I gonna find some wolves…

_I GOT ANOTHER ONE!_

_1: dare: MALE legolas: carry arrogon AND frodos babies (i've been into a lot of mpreg stories of the late)_

_2: dare: Morvis: i dare YOU to sleep with sam...because too musch happens to frodo and lego-ass_

_3: truth: Frodo: are you REALY just the lady in the water?_

_-rex133668_

Aragorn and Frodo: But we don't have babies...

Morvis: Thank God. mpreg? Really? I mean really?

Sam: *Reads dare* Uh... Mr. Morvis?

Morvis: What? *reads dare* NO! HELL NO! Not happening!

H.M. Lee: *reads dare* Why don't you just lose consciousness at the same time as him? It's still sleeping.

Morvis: I'm telling you, this guy is a life saver. *causes Sam and himself to randomly fall asleep*

H.M. Lee: Well, I guess I'll take over for now. Frodo?

Frodo: Define 'lady'.

_I feel like torturing Frodo so..._

_Dare: FRodo, stop being like an assistant and be um...brave! fight with pippin...and the person who wins gets a cookie._

_truth: frodo, tell about your past romance history...dates, crushes and junk...xD_

_and to the rest of the fellowship:_

_make frodo feel horrid :3_

_-Epic Adventurer_

H.M. Lee: Frodo? Brave? Maybe when cows fly. *ducks as a cow goes hurtling over his head and flattens Frodo*

Pippin: *whistling and dusting off his hands*

H.M. Lee: Or maybe not when cows fly. Here you go. *gives Pippin cookie*

Pippin: *takes the cookie into the room that Sauron and his doughnuts have been in for the last four chapters*

Gandalf: What IS going on in there?

H.M. Lee: Who knows? *revives Frodo and shows him his next dare*

Frodo: Well, when I was seven, I had a crush on Uncle Bilbo, and when I was twelve, I went on a date with Farmer Maggot's wife, and when I was nineteen, I had a crush on Gandalf, and ever since my great quest, I have had crushes on everyone I met during the adventure. Sadly I have had dates with none of them.

H.M. Lee: Oh, the tragedy. Go on.

Frodo: What? That's all of my crushes... *reads the dare again* OH COME ON! I SERIOUSLY HAVE TO TALK ABOUT MY JUNK?!

Morvis: *randomly wakes up* Or lack thereof? And yes, you totally have to tell us.

Frodo: *fuming* When I was eight, I contracted a viral infection and had to have both of my... erm, you know... removed.

Morvis: That explains why the gender swap gun did nothing to you. Disturbing...

Fellowship: *All pull buckets of mud out of who knows where and douse Frodo.*

Frodo: *drowns in mud*

_Everyone: Read "Jo Bekke in Suthurn Midle Erth"_

_Smaug: Smoke Bombidil's weed (you know he has some, but I have no idea why I'm asking Smaug)_

_-L_

Everyone: *reads it and don't care*

Smaug: Fuck this, do you have any idea how much weed that guy has?

H.M. Lee: Come on, you're a dragon, you got this.

Smaug: Fine... *torches Tom Bombadil's weed and inhales all the smoke, then instantly winks out of existence*

Morvis: 0_0

H.M. Lee: 0_0

Morvis and H.M. Lee: **0_0**

_Sauron: how does it feel that, every since the movies came out, everyone thinks you are the great eye_

_Gorbag and Shagrat: everyone is, or should be, wondering are you gay?_

_Pippin: go up to Eowyn and call her a Warg-B*tch (I think that's okay to say on a T-rated story, but I'm blurring it out just to be safe)_

_Elrond: In the movies you have been going bald for thousands of years, explain_

_Ungoliant: you ate your self? _

_Melkor: what do you think about how Sauron Raided your wardrobe_

_-LOTR 1_

Sauron: *pokes head out of the room* Well, I was the Great Eye. But I prefer this form. Now I have two great eyes!

Morvis: -_- Close the door, Sauron. *slaps Sauron with the Bad Joke Eel*

Sauron: Hmph. *closes door and continues... whatever it is he's doing*

Gorbag: No, but our parents were.

Sam: Wait... you guys are brothers?

Shagrat: Well... sort of. Gorbag did mention that our parents were gay.

H.M. Lee: Cool. *kills them with his fedora*

Pippin: *reads dare and gulps* But-

H.M. Lee: No buts! Go on, do it!

Pippin: Eowyn, I'm really sorry I have to do this, but you're a warg-bitch.

Aragorn: *walks in and only hears the last bit* YOU BASTARD! HOW DARE YOU TALK TO MY GIRLFRIEND LIKE THAT! *cuts Pippin in half*

Elrond: *in his awesome Elrond voice* Five thousand years ago, a baby was born. I was that baby. But the baby was bald, an abomination among men and elves. So my father took me to Mount Doom, and there he used all his skill and power to forge a Toupee of Power. Once given to someone it could never be removed. In addition to granting the wearer freedom from the humiliation of baldness, the Toupee also gave the wearer a voice more dramatic and sexy than any in all the lands. And I have faithfully worn the Toupee to this day.

Galadriel: And he never washes it either!

*moment ruined*

Elrond: FOR GOD'S SAKE MOM, WOULD YOU GET OFF MY BACK ABOUT THAT!

Everyone else: 0_0

Elrond: ...fuck.

Morvis: Let's... let's just move on.

Ungoliant: Shut up. Haven't you ever heard of Pica?

Melkor: Sauron? Dude's my nephew. Gave him the outfit for Christmas on his eighteenth birthday.

_My reviews *snickers* ...heh heh heh._

_Legolas: Become a dwarf_

_Frodo: Make out with shelob._

_Gandalf: Fight the balrog unarmed._

_Pippin & Merry: I like you guys, so I'll go easy. Throw ken dolls at Legolas and sing "It's Raining Men"._

_Sauron: Fight godzilla_

_Saruman: Fight Voldemort_

_Morvis: Boy, do you have a lot._

_Dares: Tell Zea you secretly love her. When she hurts you make out with her. Fight all the gods of olympus unarmed (no magic either). Then all the egyptian gods. Dance the cancan while singing "zippity doo da". Make out with Legolas the dwarf._

_Truths: Do you like Zea? How about Frodo. Gimli? Sauron? Who DO you like?_

_Necro Rose: Muahahahahahahahahahaha! Payback for you making Pippin & Merry give a non-smoking speech and starving them. *Murders Morvis with Rainbow's butter sock* OWNAGE! *Disappears before Morvis murders him._

_-Hour 13_

Legolas: FFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU- *turns into a dwarf* -UUUUUUUCCCCKKK!

Frodo: You bitch. *goes and makes out with Shelob then gets poisoned and eaten*

Gandalf: Well, here goes nothing. *goes to Moria and punches the Balrog in the foot*

Balrog: *screams and runs and jumps into the abyss of Khazad-Dum*

Gandalf: Wow! I'm alive! *is incinerated from punching the Balrog's foot*

Sauron: *opens the door to the room just long enough to shoot Godzilla in the face with a MAC cannon* Done. *slams the door*

Morvis: How did he get a MAC cannon? And I'd really like to know what he is doing in there.

Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we can do- *gets crushed by a meteor*

Morvis: Did he revive himself, cuz I sure didn't.

H.M. Lee: That was me, I just wanted to hear him say that line.

Morvis: Well, now you heard it. SARUMAN! Come and fight, you wuss!

Saruman: *hiding behind Grima, the straightens up* But it's Voldemort.

Morvis: Don't care. FIGHT!

Saruman: *starts conjuring a spell*

Voldemort: *levitates Saruman and throws him through Sauron's door*

Saruman: *gets blasted with the MAC cannon*

Morvis: And Voldemort wins! *teleports him away then reads his dares* Holy shit! What did I ever do to you? Well, here goes... Zea, I secretly love you.

Zea: But if you're telling me, it's not a secret, so you must've been dared to.

Morvis: Correct. If you hurt me I have to make out with you, so...

Zea: Well, in that case, I'm outta here. *portals away*

*Morvis is then surrounded by all the gods from Olympus*

Morvis: *cracks his knuckles* This should be fun. *unleashes his devastating karate amazingness on them until they flee in terror*

*the Egyptian gods had been watching and are also fleeing in terror*

Morvis: Not so fast! *has regained his powers and chases them down and owns them*

Frodo: *takes out a camera* Now you have to dance, pretty boy.

Morvis: *rolls eyes* Fine! *does the dance and the song*

Frodo: *laughs his head off. Literally, thanks to Morvis*

Morvis: Oh, dear God, why?

Legolas: Yeah... what he said.

*they reluctantly make out*

Everyone: *disturbed for life*

Morvis: I don't like anyone at the moment. *gets murdered with the... butter sock, then revives himself* Hmmph. You will regret this, Necro Rose, I promise.

Morvis: Well, Lee, you saved the show today! Thanks for coming!

H.M. Lee: Thanks for having me! This is a great fic, and I'm glad I could help- *gets warped back to the real world*

A/N: OK, did too much happen this chapter, or what? Thank you so much Lee, for sticking with the story this long! I hope I never lose your support!


	9. The Aftermath

*Deep in outer space, a bottle drifts through the nothingness. Soon enough, it is caught by the gravity pull of a black hole and is sucked in. But this is no ordinary bottle. It is fortunate enough to be indestructible, so instead of being crushed, it is spit out into an alternate universe, and is sent spinning off into space once more, the reverse gravity from the universe-shifting black hole sending it flying at speeds several times greater than the speed of light. It eventually slows to just under the speed of light, but not before getting caught in another gravity pull. The bottle slows further as it hurtles toward a small blue planet in the Milky Way galaxy...*

*Meanwhile, on the plains of Rohan...*

Morvis: What do you mean, you can't do anything for it? You're Elrond, for heaven's sake!

Elrond: How do you expect me to heal you if you can't even heal yourself? You're the one with infinite power!

Morvis: Hmmph. *tries to karate chop Elrond's head off, but is easily blocked* You see? I'm weak, I'm sick, my wounds from the battle with Elboron aren't healing, and my author powers are responding less and less! Ever since that bastard nicked me with one of his knives...

*Just then a time portal opens up and Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin come barreling out screaming battle cries and start slapping everyone*

*Present Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin were ready for this and immediately start fighting back*

*Past hobbits manage to slap everyone with much difficulty and finally get to Morvis*

Morvis: Just... go ahead. Right now I don't think I could stop you if I tried.

Frodo: *steps forward and makes history in the the only instance in all of eternity where he landed a blow on Morvis without instantaneous retribution*

Sam: Is that everyone?

Pippin: Wait, what about Elboron?

Morvis: He's gone. I sent him away. Go home.

*The hobbits open their time portal and go back to Chapter 7*

Aragorn: Sir... do you think you're up to doing some dares?

Morvis: Why do you even care? It's only torment for you.

Aragorn: That's not important. Yes, it's cruel and unusual punishment for all of us. No, I don't know what we did to deserve it. But people enjoy reading about it. And in the end, it is the duty of a fictional character to provide entertainment to their audience... so you have my sword.

Legolas: And my bow.

Gimli: And my axe.

Frodo: Well, this is bullshit! Here we have a chance to escape this lunatic and you're all giving him permission to continue treating us like shit! It's- *gets the ever-loving fuck beat out of him by the rest of the Fellowship*

Morvis: *is genuinely moved and stands tall* Then what are we waiting for?

_I had a great time hosting! Now who should I try that wolf trick on..._

_Dares:_

_Morvis: Give everyone a Death Note._

_Denethor: Try to teach Gollum to use proper grammer._

_Faramir: Shamelessly plug my fics, I need reviews goshdangit!_

_Best regards,_

_H. M. Lee_

Morvis: *gives everyone a Death Note*

Frodo: *writes a name*

Morvis: *dies*

Everyone: *turns to look at Frodo*

Frodo: What? Why are you all looking at me? *dies hundreds of times simultaneously*

Gandalf: *revives Morvis*

Denethor: Gollum, say 'hands.'

Gollum: Handses, precious.

Denethor: No, just 'hands.'

Gollum: That is whats we said, precious. Handses.

Denethor: Stop putting the extra 'es' at the end of 'handses'- I MEAN HANDS GODDAMMIT!

Gollum: *chuckles* You said handses, precious.

Denethor: *lights himself on fire and runs all the way to Minas Tirith, runs all the way up the city, just so he can throw himself off of the tower again*

Faramir: *logs onto on his laptop and starts reading H. M. Lee's fics*

_I am laughing so hard right now. You have no idea._

_Awwright! On to the dares!_

_Morvis: Talk in puns/wordplay/etc for the rest of the episode._

_Legolas: Turn into a horrendous Mary-sue and stalk Boromir. Call him your 'one true love' (in a sickeningly angelic voice), until he kills you or runs away._

_Merry and Pippin: Tie Frodo to one of Gandalf's fireworks. Set it off. Laugh._

_Elboron: Turn back into a human from a lava glob (Why do I have to specify that?! WHY?!) and simply walk into Mordor. Then frolic on Mount Doom. Because you can._

_Aragorn: Wield the Holy Spork of Gryffindor and kill Marysuegolas. Revive him as an Uruk-hai. (or have somebody else do it)_

_I think that's enough torture for everyone. HAVE FUN! *giggles maniacally and runs away*_

Morvis: I swear I will hunt you down... I'll even hunt you up if necessary.

Faramir: I don't think I'll be able to stand this for the rest of the chapter...

Morvis: Then perhaps you should sit?

Faramir: Fuck.

Legolas: Well, anything is better than being a dwarf... *turns into a Mary-Sue and starts following Boromir around calling him "One true love"*

Boromir: *Immediately screams like a 5-year-old girl and runs away*

Merry and Pippin: *Grab Frodo before he can run away*

Pippin: Which one should we tie him too?

Merry: The same one we used in the movie, of course! *ties Frodo to the dragon firework and lights it*

Frodo: Why me? Why me? Why m-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH! *goes shooting up into the air and has his organs liquefied by the force of the blast*

Morvis: Well, I'd rather not. Can you tell I have a lot of... bottled up emotion about the subject?

Anyway, fine, I'll try... Hmm... I can't find him in this universe... that's not very... stellar.

Gandalf: Oh for fuck's sake, why did you have to punnify him?

Aragorn: Ummm... okay... *gets the Holy spork of Gryffindor (**A/N: WTF?)** and kills Mary-Sue/Legolas* Uh, I can't revive him, so... Morvis?

Morvis: I can see you're... dead set on this, aren't you? *revives Legolas as an Uruk-Hai*

Legolas: I take it back. This is worse than a dwarf.

_i'm in school and my english teacher is getting annoyed at my laughing but can't do anything 'cuse technically i'm reading_

_1) Aragorn dump Eowyn and get back with Arwen _

_2) MALE Legolas (you're my favorite but i will show no mercy) kiss Arwen in front of Aragorn _

_3) Morvis kill Bilbo then give all the hobbits, Gandalf, and Elrond flamethrowers then stay in a room with them no fighting back_

_4) everyone sit through an entire Justin Beber album without dying or getting scared for life (i cant do this)_

_5) those who survive O.O wow cookies for you_

_-I call Prussia He is mine_

Aragorn: But... but Eowyn is the love of my life! Not to mention Arwen tried to kill me.

Eowyn: Isn't that mentioning it?

Aragorn: Sshhh dear. Let the men talk.

Eowyn: You ass! WE'RE FINISHED. *storms off*

Aragorn: Well, Arwen, I guess we have to.

Arwen: Fine. I hate you.

Aragorn: *sigh* I hate you too, dear.

Gimli: Trust me lad, it would've happened sooner or later.

Morvis: Hey, can we... break up this conversation and do more dares?

Legolas: Well, I'm a male anyway, so... *kisses Arwen*

Aragorn: Hey! Just because I hate her doesn't mean I'll just let this happen! *beheads Uruk-hai Legolas*

Morvis: *throws an oven at Bilbo* Why kill with conventional methods when I can kill with convectional methods? *gives flamethrowers to all the hobbits, Gandalf, and Elrond and takes out hot dogs to roast* DO YOUR WURST!

Everyone with flamethrowers: *expends their entire fuel tank on Morvis*

Morvis: *is completely incinerated*

Everyone: *waits for Morvis to revive so the dares can continue*

Morvis: *remains dead*

Pippin: He's still dead.

Gandalf: Well, no shit, Sherlock! *revives Morvis*

Morvis: I really am going to need to get a fix for this DEATHLY annoying business.

Boromir: Who's Justin Beber?

Eowyn: Did someone say JUSTIN BIEBER?! *puts on My World at full volume*

*Everyone dies except for Eowyn, who dances, and Gandalf, who put up his shield just in time*

Morvis: *is revived by Gandalf after the music stops and then revives everyone else* NEVER AGAIN! Oh, and I guess Gandalf and Eowyn get cookies. *gives cookies*

_OK, I have a ton._

_-Firstly to my fellow Fringe fan (I thought there were none), I want an Observer to have a staring contest with Frodo (winner gets a fedora and a non-explosive briefcase)_

_-I want Treebeard to give a speech on the Entwives and make everyone listen to the whole thing_

_-Gollum must speak for the entire rest of the chapter, but not use a word with 's' in it_

_-I dare Sam to go up to Elrond and ask him why his eyebrows are so pointy_

_-I dare Aragorn and Eowyn to make out in front of Arwen (who spontaneously doesn't like Pippin and never will)_

_-Also, I dare you to make me a guest star for a chapter (My professional name is [the beautiful] Agent I) _

_-The NCISElf_

September: *appears out of nowhere and walks straight for Frodo*

Frodo: *turns his icy blue soulless eyes on the Observer, stopping him in his tracks*

*After several hours of staring, both Frodo and the Observer spontaneously combust*

Morvis: Well then. That was almost as boring as this next bit is going to be.

Treebeard: *gives a day long speech about Entwives*

Everyone else: *asleep*

Gollum: WHY NEED WE TALK?! *runs and jumps off of cliff*

Sam: Mister Lord Elrond Sir, why are your eyebrows so pointy?

Elrond: So I can do this! *pulls eyebrows off and stabs them into Sam' eyes*

Sam: *runs screaming in circles before tripping and falling off the same cliff*

Aragorn: *reads dare and is NOT happy*

Eowyn: *is NOT happy*

Arwen: *is surprisingly not happy*

*They are about to make out*

Arwen: WAIT! Just last chapter the cohost dared the reviewers to not just do Person X make out with Person Y.

Morvis: She's right, you know. DARE DENIED! Also, there are some certain conditions that must be filled before I grant a cohost. You have not yet fulfilled these, so...

Aragorn: Arwen, why did you stop that? It's not like you like me.

Arwen: I dunno. You've been growing on me lately. Ever since we were forced back together.

Aragorn: *doesn't know what to say*

Gandalf: OH JUST KISS ALREADY! *pushes their heads together accidentally knocking them both unconscious* Oops...

_Humm... let me see hear if you decide to continue this..._

_1) All of you must not try to kill each other for atleast 24 hrs._

_2) What the hell is that dude doing in there withe jelly doughnuts?_

_3)have Legolas(male) make out withe Arya (Elf chick form Eragon)._

_4) Morvis go desroy Percy Jackson for me will you? And Justen Beber._

_5) H.M. Lee tell Morvis to shut the hell up._

_6)Morvis insult the whole group for me... any way you like... just do it..._

_-Guest_

Faramir: What?! *drops his sword in shock and it stabs into Frodo's foot*

Frodo: *hops around on one foot cursing until he falls off the same cliff*

Morvis: Well I guess we failed that one. And you're right, what IS Sauron doing with those jelly donuts?

Gandalf: *goes over to the door and is about to knock when the building vanishes releasing a shockwave of magic*

Everyone: *gets back up*

Pippin: So... he was building a teleporter?

Morvis: I don't have the energy to bring him back right now, but don't worry I'll get him back eventually.

Legolas: GUYS! THAT MAGIC MADE ME A MALE ELF! Sauron, wherever you are, I could kiss you!

Gimli: 0_0

Legolas: Or shake his hand. Whatever. *reads dare* Arya? Who's that?

Arya: *comes out of portal*

Legolas: Oh, hello. How's it going? *they make out*

Morvis: Uh-huh... well, I don't know if I'm in any shape to kill Percy and Justin right now, but at least they don't have author powers. *portals the two people here*

Percy: What... what is this place?

Justin: I am so high right now.

Morvis: *duel-wields mozzarella sticks and beats them to death* Woo!

H.M. Lee: *portals there* Morvis, shut the hell up.

Morvis: *takes out megaphone* NO.

H.M. Lee: *shrugs* Well, I tried. *portals away*

Morvis: Guess what? You're all a bunch of weak, cock-juggling thunder-ninnies!

Saruman: Ouch...

_Frodo: Fight a Warg and keep it as a pet._

_-Eagle_

Morvis: Wow, short dare. Well, Frodo, go on.

Frodo: *gets mauled by Warg*

Gandalf: *revives Frodo* Congratulations, it is now your pet.

Frodo: I think I'll name him Chuckles!

_I love this Truth or Dare! So glad I found one for LOTR. I love all the random stuff. Anyway..._

_Merry: I dare you to kiss me. You're so cute and I'm so in love with you!_

_Pippin: I dare you to eat 500 bean burritos. (Everyone else better get some air freshener.)_

_Frodo: Who's your favorite cousin? Pippin or Merry?_

_Gandalf: Wear nothing but a speedo and dance to Sexy And I Know It by LMFAO._

_Boromir: You know you look and act a lot like Thor, right?_

_Morvis: UPDATE SOON DAMN IT!_

_-Zinka17_

Merry: Um... OK? *kisses Zinka*

Pippin: *eats the burritos* Well that wasn't so ba- *lifts off like a rocket and flies to the moon*

Galadriel: Well, I never thought I'd see the day when the Shire had its own space program!

Frodo: They both suck equally.

Gandalf: But Speedos don't fit me. Why do you think I wear a robe all the time?

Everyone: 0_0 **(A/N: Augh! The mental image!)**

Boromir: Is that... a bad thing?

Morvis: *cringes* I'm sorry! Writer's block is a bitch!

_have you and legolas play 30 minutes in the dirty closet_

_-Princess Peridot_

Morvis: Do you think she means me?

Frodo: Probably.

Morvis: Oh well. No specification, no dare. Moving on!

_Yaaaaaaay Randomeneseses Wat? Stop talking to myself me! Anyway on wit ta STHUFFZZ_

_Truths_

_Gandalf you and Dumbledore have a lot in commen so seeing as Dumbledores gay(Confirmed by J.K. Rowling) dose that mean your gay too?_

_Eyowin my middle name is yo first name wt u tink bout dat?_

_Dares_

_Sam u must kiss frodo OO_

_Eyowin change your name to Maddie for two chapters_

_Pipin become a cat(Specifically a black and grey tabby)oh and peaple must refer to you as pip when in cat form_

_Legolass ima put u out of your misery so your no longer a dwarf D only thing is now your a Lass Lego Legless Logolass(Lass meaning girl_

_Gandalf here is a list of potter puppit pals wizard swears see that one at the bottom? The elder swear? You must go in sourans doughnut room and shout that at the top of your lungs at him!_

_PS if u don't know Wat potter puppit pals is lookit up on YouTube_

_-MeoTheRandom_

Gandalf: Nope.

Eowyn: Copycat.

Frodo: *grins evilly*

Sam: Wait! No random make out scenes!

Morvis: Correct. DARE DENIED.

Eowyn: What? Why change my name?

Morvis: Doesn't matter. Just do it.

Maddie: But I like Eo-... dammit.

Legolas: *was still making out with Arya* Save me, Arya!

Arya: *casts a spell to stop the effects*

Legolas: *all effects are blocked except the gender change* NOOOO!

Arya: Meh. I'd still make out with you.

Legolas: What? You... you would? *gets down on one knee* Arya, will you marry me?

Arya: ...

Everyone else: ...

Arya: Yes.

Everyone else: *cheers as they kiss again*

Gandalf: That's a heck of a curse. Unfortunately, Sauron's room teleported away some time ago.

Morvis: Darn. That could've been entertaining.

_lolololololololol okay here are my dares he he hem..._

_Elrond: lick Gimli's foot_

_Legolas: Praise the dwarves for their epicness_

_Pipin: make out with Rosie_

_-Guest_

Elrond: EW. Fine! *licks Gimli's foot*

Gimli: Would this be a bad time to talk about my foot fetish?

Elrond: *runs away crying*

Gimli: I guess it's a bad time. Now where's Legolas?

Legolas: *is still making out with Arya* What? Oh, whatever, dwarves are epic, happy? *goes back to making out with Arya*

Pippin: Random make out. DARE DENIED.

Morvis: *kicks him over the same cliff* Excuse you! That's my job! Well, somehow we made it through another chapter. I really hope I start recovering soon. Bye!

**(A/N: No bullshit excuses for the wait. But I am sorry. Life is busy, and I can't promise updates with any sort of hastiness. But I will never give up. As long as there are reviews, there will be another chapter to put them in. Also, SPOILER: Sauron's donut room will return!)**


End file.
